“Self love”
One of the biggest dilemma nowadays is that either we are “self obsessed” or “self decliners” ,forgetting the fact that there is a thing that exists in between called , “self love”
Everyone should learn self love. Learning self love has following stages:
Stage 1: Self acceptance.
The first step to accept one’s self,to proudly accept one’s height, facial features, skin tone and personality. To realize that this is one’s best version that could exist , nothing better than this could exist . Then other’s opinion about one’s self will not matter and will not hurt anymore. The step to learn confidence is to accept one’s self the way it is. Accepting one’s demerits and working on one’s self to be better day by day. No one is perfect, everyone has some demerits and there is no shame in accepting them, this is real bravery.
لَقَدۡ خَلَقۡنَا الۡاِنۡسَانَ فِیۡۤ اَحۡسَنِ تَقۡوِیۡمٍ ۫﴿۴﴾
“یقیناً ہم نے انسان کو بہترین صورت میں پیدا کیا ۔”
Stage 2: Evaluating one’s self.
The next step is to evaluate one’s merits, demerits, strength and weakness. To analyze one’s self and start working on the weakness to improve them. Being human it’s ok to have some demerits or weakness,it’s totally fine. The next step is to accept them and work on them. Improving one’s weakness and restrengthening the strengths is the key to success.
Stage 3: Stop comparing one’s self with others.
When one accept one’s self, one’s merits and demerits,it becomes easy to stop comparing one’s self with others and to realize that one can’t be like someone else. To acknowledge that everyone has it’s own identity, it’s own personality and everyone is best in it’s own version and has it’s own beauty.And if someone will try to be like someone else,that person will lose it’s own identity as well . Imagine a garden full of different flowers. Every flower has it’s own charm and beauty and no one can replace others. If a rose will try to become a tulip,it will not remain a rose nor will become a tulip. So it should be learned that no one is superior or inferior. Everyone is unique having it’s own merits and demerits. When one start to acknowledge one’s self and stop comparing with others,it becomes easy to love one’s self and be happy with one’s self.
سيدنا جابر رضی اللّٰہ عنہ کہتے ہیں: رسول اللّٰہ صلی اللّٰہ علیہ وسلم نے ہمیں ایام تشریق کے درمیانے دن کو خطبۃ الوداع ارشاد فرمایا اور فرمایا: ”لوگو! تمہارا رب ایک ہے اور تمہارا باپ بھی ایک ہے، آگاہ ہو جاؤ! کسی عربی کو کسی عجمی پر کسی عجمی کو کسی عربی پر کسی سرخ رنگ والے کو کالے رنگ والے پر اور کسی سیاہ رنگ والے کو سرخ رنگ والے پر کوئی فضیلت و برتری حاصل نہیں، مگر تقویٰ کے ساتھ، جیسا کہ ارشاد باری تعالیٰ ہے: “اللّٰہ تعالیٰ کے ہاں تم میں سے وہ شخص سب سے زیادہ معزز ہے جو سب سے زیادہ پرہیزگار ہے،
“No one is superior or inferior, everyone is equal . So every classification based on race and colour is useless.
Stage 4: Setting one’s boundaries.
The next stage is to set one’s boundaries which no one is allowed to cross and no compromise is made on them. Whoever disturb the peace or harmful for one’s peace,that person is told that thing and space should be kept. Whenever peace is disturbed, gentle good bye should be said . Suffering all the time alone and not telling the concerned person is totally wrong. Learn to tell in dignified way so that next person is not hurt and one has conveyed it’s point. It’s not kindness to suffer all the time ,it’s foolishness. One’s self is also precious and one’s self should also be protected from every disturbing thing.
Stage 5: Learn to say “No”
.It is most important to say no when one don’t want to do a particular thing. One self should not allow others to use one’s self like a tissue paper. Own worth should be realized . Helping others is something else and getting used is another thing. Learn the difference between it. If one don’t like a thing, it should be said on face in dignified way rather suffering alone due to habit of not saying no. When one can’t do anything and don’t want to do , say “No” rather staying silence in consideration. When it’s not ok for one’s self, say it!
One self is also an amanat of Almighty and one will be asked about it. So own worth should be realized and work should be done on one’s personality. One should work for not only this world but also for the world hereafter. One should work on the purpose of being created and always try to improve one’s relation with Almighty. This temporary world is not worthy enough to be tense for. Do the preparations for the permanent life of hereafter.
کُلُّ نَفۡسٍ ذَآئِقَۃُ الۡمَوۡتِ ؕ وَ اِنَّمَا تُوَفَّوۡنَ اُجُوۡرَکُمۡ یَوۡمَ الۡقِیٰمَۃِ ؕ فَمَنۡ زُحۡزِحَ عَنِ النَّارِ وَ اُدۡخِلَ الۡجَنَّۃَ فَقَدۡ فَازَ ؕ وَ مَا الۡحَیٰوۃُ الدُّنۡیَاۤ اِلَّا مَتَاعُ الۡغُرُوۡرِ ﴿۱۸۵﴾
It’s nice to see an article like this. Self help is much needed for everyone which is unfortunately acknowledged least.
Barak Allah ✨