Joint family structure in Islam… Impermissible or Unappreciated?

A family who eats together, stays together

 Yes we have heard this phrase but it is misquoted sometimes under the umbrella of joint family system. What is joint family system? let’s understand this term first. A system that is based on multiple hierarchical tiers of immediate relatives along with their spouses and children who lives under one roof of home are considered as joint family system. It has been observed that this kind of system is mainly preferred by elders of home since it lessen their insecurities about their loneliness in old age and they also had gut feeling that their children will leave them as soon as they will grow up. This feeling and attachment is usually found only in Indo-Pak culture whereas, in western world the phenomena is totally opposite. But the point is what Islam says about this indulged system that we have adapted because of our culture without considering and respecting what Deen Islam says about this whole SYSTEM.

Some aspects we’ll discuss here the pros and cons regarding joint family system and how we are misled by the culture in the name of our deen. Since Islam is the religion, which is a complete code of life and has its own teachings and based on that teaching, a Muslim can get a balanced perspective of body and rooh (spirit) by concerning this world and hereafter. 

Strong impact of culture

Our culture cares about joint family system and expects son of family to live with their parents in their homes and support them financially and morally. Here addition is required that family expects SON and his wife as BAHU (daughter-in-law) should care the elderly parents of her husband that is completely wrong! Since Islam claims that it is an equal duty of a son and a daughter (not daughter-in-law) to support their parents physically, financially, and morally as at this age, they need them in every way. It’s an another discussion that still, considering moral of our deen, daughter-in-law should respect parents of her husband and also help them according to her ease as there is no forcefully duty on her.

Perfect living scenario

If we observe life of Muhammad SAW and his companions RA then we can understand that how they used to treat their family members. They provided separate living area to their wives. Living under one roof is a terrible concept since it alleviates interference in each matter and also exploits the hijab of women of family. Majority of people are Non-Mahram to each other but living together actually abuses the hijab factor of a woman and man of home. Since hijab has been observed by Muslim woman from Non-Mahram (who is not her husband, father, brother, paternal and maternal uncle, grandfather, sons, sons of her brothers and sisters). But yes the joint family includes her husband’s brother who is claimed to be dangerous for her according to hadith.

Messenger of Allah (SAW) said that: “Beware of entering upon women.” A man from among the Ansar said: “O Messenger of Allah, what about the brother-in-law?” He said: “The brother-in-law is death.”

(Bukhari 5232).

This hadith is a clear indication that a woman should observe hijab in presence of her husband’s male relatives. In contrast, our culture is totally opposite of it, in which our elders force woman of home to come in front of everyone and mingle with the foolish talks of family about nothing.

Privacy Decorum from blood relations 

According to Qur’an, in Surah An-Nur

 It says that there are three times of privacy for you (married couples) in which no one is allowed to visit their room i.e. after zuhr, after isha, and before fajr. These are the best suitable time given by Allah SWT for them to be relaxed in every way. It means that our deen has proof to those elders who think that they have all authority to visit to their son’s or daughter’s room anytime. Basically it was practiced by Indian culture that our society has adapted as a practice of our deen, which is insanely opposite of it.

Practical implications under set boundaries by Allah SWT

Though the price of property is hiking nowadays, married couples are deliberate to live in a joint family system. Some of them know the fact behind joint family system and some doesn’t know about that. Those who knows, they need high dosage of Taqwah to be followed since it needs proper following of hijab by men and women both because of set boundaries by Allah SWT. It includes proper covering by large stole or scarf or niqab by women of home, lowering gaze by both men and women, taking permission before entering rooms, avoiding mingling freely, asking interfering questions.

However, the Muslim woman should understand the difficulties that her husband’s parents are facing because of their age or health. Both partners should handle the matter wisely and take care of husband’s parents for the sake of Allah. On the other hand, the husband should also take care of his wife’s parents and her family. Respect is the key factor that should be in between each member of family.

All in all, according to our deen, joint family system is not a proposed way of living but yes it is appreciable when there is separate portion for every family who are non-mahram to each other so that they must not demolish the set boundaries by Allah SWT. Allah has given authority to women to live in a separate portion of home where her mahram only can visit . Moreover, she can visit to any other place along with her husband or mahram only. This is the most prevailing aspect that has been practiced by or society, which is inculcated in our culture. In starting, the quote about family, which says that family that eats together, stays together, doesn’t mean that everyone (mahram and non-mahram) sits together and eats together. No way, it is all about mahram people only. It is not permissible in our deen to intermix freely with each other. 

May Allah make it easy for those who lives in intermix family because of any reason and may Allah give hidayah to those who practice it dedicatedly and may Allah give them this sense of deen that intermix of Mahram and Non-Mahram is Haram in our deen.

Written by:

Zain Salim