Forced Marriages

Islam is a beautiful religion which has a lot of ayahs and surahs about matrimony. Holy Prophet (Saw) has emphasized it’s importance many times.

 اے لوگو! اپنے پروردگار سے ڈرو  ، جس نے تمہیں ایک جان سے پیدا کیا  اسی سے اس کی بیوی کو پیدا کر کے ان دونوں سے بہت سے مرد اور عورتیں پھیلا دیں  ، اس اللّٰہ سے ڈرو جس کے نام پر ایک دوسرے سے مانگتے ہو اور رشتے ناطے توڑنے سے بھی بچو  بیشک اللّٰہ تعالٰی تم پر نگہبان ہے ۔  
 (النساء:1)

But unfortunately nowadays the ratio of divorces is increasing markedly. How you ever wonder what is reason of this increase ?
One of the reason is “forced marriages” in which either of partner or both partner are forced to marry each other against their will due to which real contentment never exist in such relationship and ultimately it leads to divorce.
Let’s see what are the rights of a person regarding marriage in Islam.

Rights in Islam:

1: Choose your partner:

It’s the right of ever Muslim to choose the person whom they want to marry and to spend their lives . No one is allowed to force them to marry someone they don’t like or don’t want to marry as marriage is one of the life changing decision . So any wrong decision can make the life difficult.

خبیث عورتیں خبیث مردوں کے لائق ہیں اور خبیث مرد خبیث عورتوں کے لائق ہیں اور پاک عورتیں پاک مردوں کے لائق ہیں اور پاک مرد پاک عورتوں کے لائق ہیں ۔ ایسے پاک لوگوں کے متعلق جو کچھ بکواس ( 
بہتان باز ) کر رہے ہیں وہ ان سے بالکل بری ہیں ان کے لئے بخشش ہے اور عزت والی روزی ۔
(النور:26)

2) Female can send proposal:

One of the misconception is that a female should not asked about her choices and is not worthy to choose her partner which is just rubbish as Allah has given her the right of choosing her partner. She can even send her proposal in ways described in Islam as it is evident from example of Hazrat Khadija (R.A) who send her proposal for Holy Prophet (Saw). There is no stigma in sending the proposal but yes the condition is that way should be decent and should be within limits set by Islam.

3) Seeking approval for marriage:

It’s the right of every Muslim to know whom he/she is going to marry and what kind of that person is. Parents are obliged to ask from their children that if they are willing to marry or not! It is evident from the example of Holy Prophet (Saw) as He (Saw) seek approval from Hazrat Fatima (R.A) before marrying her to Hazrat Ali (R.A) .
Here all the so called culture of not asking approval from the children is buried.

4) Refusal means refusal:

If a person gives his/her refusal of not marrying a respective person,then it should be taken seriously. A no means no. The person should not be forced to change his /her decision . It’s the common thinking prevailing in society that after marriage things get better. This was true 15-20 years back. Now this doesn’t happen. Things don’t get better now in stead things get worsen and worsen because the respective people don’t like each other so how exactly it is possible that they can lead a peaceful and happy life. Marriage is the most importantly decision of life so the respective people should be told about every single detail and their acceptance should be the prime importance.

Now let’s discuss the mistakes on the part of parents and children which are leading to dilemma and then will talk about their solutions.

Mistakes of parents:

1) Imposing their decision:

The most common mistake which household parents do is that they force their decisions regarding marriage on their children. Even if they have selected the best partner for their children , the child will not consider it and will go rebellious if parents will try to impose their decision.

2) Considering it disobedience:

Next problem is that if a child doesn’t want to marry the person which his/her parents have selected for him/her, the person is considered disobedient and rude and this thing is considered against their self respect and taken as an attack on their ego and then bond of parents and children is subjected to mistrust and suspicion.

Solutions:

Their generation can’t be made agree on force in stead this generation demands logics and reasons . So parents should have a talk with their children. Parents should tell them all the proposals they are considering. They should tell them all the merits and demerits of the ones they selected and try to convince their children logically. If in stead after all this , still their children are suspicious and don’t want to marry ,then parents should support them. Parents should ask them their choices and preferences and help them in finding their spouses. When parents provide every happiness to their children,then why when it comes to the biggest happiness of their life,they are hesitant to support. If the children are selecting wrong person for them that will hurt them,still parent ls should not reject directly otherwise children will go rebellious. Parents should make them sit and try to explain logically the demerits. Parents should talk with proof. If still they are adamant to marry that person, then parents should let them their mistake because every person learns from his/her mistakes and sometimes it’s necessary to let people do their mistake so that they can have a lesson which they are not willing to understand before.

Mistakes of children:

1) Delivering in hurtful manner:

The most common mistake that children do is that they present their thinking in the most hurtful manner and parents take it to their ego and then they also get adamant for their children marrying the person they selected.

2) Enhancing talks with Na mahram:

One of the biggest mistake children do is that if they like someone,then in stead of going for nikkah,they get involved in bf/gf culture. Things that were supposed to be only done for the mahram person is done for the na mahram ones which obviously lead to destruction.

Solutions:

If a person likes someone, then he /should approach officially and make it halal rather engaging in some Haram relationship. Liking someone doesn’t mean that one is allowed to cross the limits set by Almighty.
Now the question is how to convince the parents. The answer is quite simple. Have a talk with your parents. Tell them your reasons of liking the person. Make them meet with the person. Try to convince them logically that why you like that person.
And if your parents are already considering someone for you, tell them your reasons logically and in manner which should not hurt your parents. The manner in which a thing is delivered is quite important. If a person will deliver in harsh manner, how could that person can accept that parents will understand. So be wise, don’t go for direct confront in harsh manner. Tell your parents slowly and indirectly about the person you like, then make them meet that person and in the end tell the reasons logically. Every parent only want happiness of their children. Parents are not the enemies of their children,if they are deciding something, they are probably deciding best for you but yes being humans they can be wrong too so at that time, don’t be harsh or rude. Talk softly and respectfully and share your concerns.

Disadvantages of forced marriages:

1) Divorce:

Obviously the first worst consequence of forced marriage is divorce, the thing which is not liked by Almighty because this thing destroys the family and children raised in broken families are not mentally sound.

2) Restlessness in life:

One of the most destructive consequence is restlessness in life. When two persons are not willing to marry each or like each other ,how exactly they can live a peaceful life and bring up their children in good manner. Children of such people have personality disorders as they live in families void of care, love and peace. Such children have anger issues and because of lack of care and love in their own house ,they try to find love outside which lead to dreadful problems.

So before marrying,make sure either you are willing for this relationship or not. Don’t ruin anyone’s else life. If you like someone, go and tell your parents but don’t destroy someone’s else life!

Whoever is unmarried and planning to get married, include this dua in your prayers,

 رَبَّنَا  ہَبۡ لَنَا مِنۡ اَزۡوَاجِنَا وَ ذُرِّیّٰتِنَا قُرَّۃَ اَعۡیُنٍ وَّ اجۡعَلۡنَا لِلۡمُتَّقِیۡنَ اِمَامًا 
سورہ الفرقان : 74

May Allah have mercy on all of us and keep all of us on His Deen. Ameen.

Written by

Muskan Malik.